the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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