Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
