I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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