The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
