I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
