I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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