4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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