forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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