This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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