Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize