i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
