my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize