Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
