The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
