The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
