Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
