if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
