please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
