3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
