my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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