And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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