i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
