Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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