You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
