also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
