guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
