It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
