i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
