3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
