Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
