Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize