youre lurking in front of me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
