A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
