the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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