is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
