why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
