i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
