if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
