I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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