I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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