No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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