i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
