The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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