you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I looked at my own cervix.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Randomize
