i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize