my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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