I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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