I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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