I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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