maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
