Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
