I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
