is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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