Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize