do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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