i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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