i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
