nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
