Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize