as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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