smell my finger.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
