apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
