When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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