could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
