then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
