Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
