Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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