hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
