Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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