Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
