In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
