watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
