So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
